Random thoughts that have absolutely nothing to do about Scotland..

It has suddenly come to my attention that over the past few years I have lost a lot of myself. I have forgotten those things that one ought to possess, those passions that inspire us to keep breathing and taking one step forwards. I used to really enjoy studying karate and kung fu, and I used to horseback ride every week. Alas, after one too many scary incidents, I gave up horseback riding, and have not been back in a saddle in over two and a half years. I have allowed my anxiety to get the better of me, and because of it I have given up one of the most passionate activities that I have ever participated in wholeheartedly.

I am thankful at least that I have never given up writing (oh and reading). And so, i am going to continue writing, but I haven't really written any poetry in many weeks...so that is step number one...yes, to recommence writing poetry on a weekly (then perhaps daily) basis. I think that I've got the reading thing down pat, seeing as I read several novels and plays a week for class :) Oh! And I'd like to finally get around to writing some fiction, or something that leans towards the direction of that fearful word, The Novel. Yes, a novel. I've been wanting to be a novelist for as long as I can remember, and now that I'm 21..well, I don't see why I should keep putting it off anymore!

Another passion I have relates to movies and television...but of course I watch many movies and shows on a regular basis, so there that passion is usually fulfilled. Check.

The big one that comes to mind is horseback riding. I have allowed my anxiety to take ahold of too many aspects of my life. But I will no longer be a slave to my fears and disorders anymore! I am planning on going on a pony trail ride with a few other girls here whilst I am in Edinburgh. This will be the first step to regaining own of my favourite passions and hobbies. I don't know when I'll be able to continue riding again on a daily basis, but I know that If I trust in the gods above, things will work out like they're supposed to. I must merely take one step at a time, and my heart tells me to just simply go on a simple trail ride on a pony that is not much bigger than me, and then see what happens next...

Concerning the martial arts, I'm not sure whether or not I want to pick up where I left off. I enjoyed knowing how to defend myself, that is certain. It gives a woman a certain sense of security when she is walking alone at night to know that she might be able to perhaps ward off a potential attack(er). But I would not return to my old 'studio,' nor do I think I would continue with the same form. A fresh start? Perhaps USC has a club I could join?

Ah, I forgot another one...transcendental meditation. Last summer I learned how to meditate, and I am supposed to meditate twice a day for twenty minutes. I honestly cannot recall the last time that I meditated for even 5 minutes. I ought to start meditating at least once a day again; it will certainly help dissipate any lingering anxiety. Yes, this certainly shall be the next hobby that I pick up again. And it will be simpler to begin meditating on a daily basis than it will be to start riding again (as well as cheaper!).

The next thing on my list is..amusingly so...cooking. I would like to learn how to cook. I've started paying attention more to what my flatmates make, and maybe I'll gain some more courage to start cooking...even if it's as simple as making pasta or even assembling a salad. I don't really know why I become so fearful whenever I step into a kitchen. What...the fridge is going to attack? (Yes, if you've ever seen a certain movie).


Well, its 2am and I really ought to attempt to get some sleep. I've been fighting insomnia ever since I got here, over four weeks ago. Yikes, has it really been that long? Perhaps over the next few days I'll come up with some more goals!